Posts Tagged ‘grief’

Tribute to you Mother



The annually recurring date of a past event, especially one of historical, national, or personal importance:

Hard to believe on July 5th it will be the 1 year anniversary of my father’s passing. People always say “It seems like yesterday.” Well I have to tell you these past few weeks leading up to the anniversary date feels like deja vu. The emotional events all come streaming back to your mind so vivid and clear.

Last weekend was Father’s Day and we made a trip to Orange County to visit dad’s grave. My two siblings were able to visit the grave earlier in the week to pay their respects. My sister sent over a text with a lovely photo attached showing the flowers she placed on his grave. The next day my brother sent a text from his visit. While viewing his text an unexpected roar of laughter came from my mother and myself. My brother had placed sports items on the grave that my dad loved so much. My dad loved sports! He particularly loved basketball, baseball and golf. My father was a talented basketball player in his younger days. He was honored to have played on the Mt. Carmel Catholic High School CIF Championship Basketball Team.

Oh how we laughed when we saw all the items strategically placed around his marker. There was even a golf hat from St. Andrews in Scotland placed on the site. We always harped on dad to cover his little head from the sun. My brother signed the hat with a personal sentiment. My brother polished his grave (along with other family members buried in the same location).

Mom and I were to visit the grave on the next day, which was Father’s Day. We thought of bringing flowers however, my sister had covered that for us. My brother had covered the sports…or so we thought! There was one missing item to be added to the grave. A USC honorable mention! My nephew Ryan was placekicker for USC during the championship years of Bush, Palmer, Leinart. Oh dad loved this time. We attended all the local games here in Los Angeles and dad yelled from his living room chair on the away games. So mom and I came up with one item to be added to his grave. Again, strategically placed at the top of his marker is a photo of his grandson Ryan Killeen in motion kicking! FIGHT ON USC!

Mom and I walked away smiling! I looked over at mom and said ” you know dad’s actual anniversary is on 4th of July weekend, how can we top this?” Mom said, ” you just wait!” Love you and miss you dad.

Good Grief…

Good Grief…

Definition: deep sorrow, esp. that caused by someone’s death


Is grief good? I have not figured out the answer to that million dollar question… as of yet. It’s been approximately 1 1/2 months since the passing of my Papa. The grief is STILL palpable and seems as though it will never end or at least lesson.

Everyone grieves in their own way. Some outwardly weep daily, some feel anger, while others become introverted with their feelings of loss and may not express grief in public or with others. No one way is the correct way to express grief. No one person has the exclusivity on grief. All ways of grieving need to be recognized.

The question of the day; will the grief really ever end. Or will a band-aide just cover up the deep wound? I’m not sure at this point. I have been told by others who have experienced a loss of a loved one “it will get better, missing them will always be there.” To me, that does not sound like much of a trade-off!

Yesterday the marker (headstone) was placed on my dear papa’s grave. Knowing it was being placed made it all too real and final…as if the funeral did not do THAT! Next weekend I will go visit Papa for the first time. Hoping to find some peaceful closure.

So is grief good? Intellectually, I understand the body must release all the intense emotion in some form. My heart however, tells me something very different. Is the saying “time heals all wounds” true? Not sure…

The loss of a loved one is truly heartbreaking, Anyone have any words of wisdom? Anyone?

Love Heals…

Love Heals..


It is true what they say… love heals. Meet Angora the newest member of my family. Angora is a mix of Yellow Labrador Retriever and Golden Retriever. I adopted her 1 week ago from an organization in Oceanside, California called Canine Companion’s for Independence.

Angora was being trained as part of the companion program to assist people with all types of disabilities-excluding the blind. Angora was released from the program for a minor issue. She is sensitive to fireworks and car backfiring noise. I had been placed on the adoption list for dogs who do not make the program and need to become a family pet.

The call could not of come at a better time for me. It had been since March that I lost my beloved Abigail. My heart needed repair very badly. I got the call and was advised I needed to come meet her in Oceanside (2 hour drive) as soon as I could possibly get down to the organization. I jumped in my car and picked up my sister and we were down there in two hours flat!

Upon arriving the organization gave me a detailed background of her life and history. After briefing me I was asked ” do you want to meet her?” I watched with anticipation for the staff to bring her down the hall. I heard my sister say “Oh my God you are going to love her.” One glance at Angora and I was sold! She drove home in the car with us like she had been in that vehicle 10 thousand times before and with such excitement in her eyes.


Abigail will never be replaced. However, Angora is love…and love heals.


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